He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
