He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
