OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
