FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
