i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
