Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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