atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
