I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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