This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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