There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
