I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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