im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
