I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
