i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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