I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
