Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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