Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
