I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
