Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
