the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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