This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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