I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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