he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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