Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
