Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
