if you like me you must not know who I am
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
