"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
