I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
