I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
