i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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