omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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