It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
