its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
