Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
its liver damage thursday
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
