connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
