I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
