Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
