I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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