the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
