Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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