someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
