i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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