hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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