I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
