The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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