Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
