I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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