glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
