apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
