Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
